The fact that Ninjavideo came back at this exact moment in time is fucking proof there is such a thing as Destiny. There could not have been a better time for me to come back to this astoundingly fertile soil of knowledge, wisdom, culture and love.
Fun fact: Around the time NV went down, I discovered what depression was. And strangely enough, years later, right when I get better, when I open myself up to the world and people around me again, Ninja comes back into my life. /mindblown
Now let me tell you a bit about why I fell into a deep depression and what happened since my "recovery". Although I do not think you are ever fully cured. Depression is an every day struggle, it does not go away, it simply lurks in the shadows waiting for a bad day. Every time I have a few of those, I'm fucking terrified I'm going to return to square 1 and fall back into my destructive habits. But anyway. The reasons I wanted to kill myself every damn day.
I've always been excellent at school. It was always understood that I would get into a "Great School" (the French elite school system). And I did. After two years of "prep school" (intensive courses to pass the test to enter those great schools), I entered the Institute of Political Sciences. I left within the year. I could not take it. I came from a heavily left-wing family, myself even more so. And I just did not belong to this world. Who were these people congratulating Israel bombing the Gaza strip in the corridors? I remember that well because it was the morning after Phara made a fucking epic intro to Lowkey on Ninja, and I blasted "Long Live Palestine" with my phone through the school. (
They'd sold me the ideal of intellectual excellence and all I was left with was teachers nodding to students' presentations literally copy/pasted from the manuals I'd read the day before. Wasn't this the school centred on the idea of critical thinking? I heard an economy teacher say that there was no more poverty issue in France. Tell that to the 6 million people unemployed and to the goddamn masses flooding the street to protest because they don't have enough to fucking eat.
So I left. I came back home (on the other side of the country, that definitely was also a factor of my issues with my new environment). I left the system of the Great Schools and I went to public university. I tried to go back to Law (as I'd started with that in the prep school) but I already knew I despised it. So I went and studied English literature and civilization. I finished my master last year and then I got into the preparatory year for the test to become a University Professor, during the fall 2015.
From the time I left Sciences Po up until roughly my masters, I quit my life. I had failed (a first in my life). No one understood the decision to leave, because of course that school was a great opportunity. I'd been given a chance. I was told I was an ingrate to my parents who'd supported me financially all these years. I came back in the south of France, registered into uni and breezed through my licence and master without trying to make any friends, without caring about what I was doing, and fucking hating the people around me. I just went to the mandatory classes and test, and went home. There, I'd spend entire days on my computer, gaming online and finding friends on the net I would never have believed could even exist. My guild kept me alive, truthfully.
[break : rolling time!]
Now for the reasons I got better.
Well the first is that I met a few select people who gave me back my faith in humanity. It took me years, but I finally found two girls at university who I clicked with. I'd lay my life down for them if I had to. Their entry into my life was a fucking blessing.
They were not the only reason though.
You want honesty? My father died. That is the main factor. Yes, this sounds strange, and yet I bet a few of you will know what I mean. I was fucking liberated.
I'd always had an extremely difficult relationship with my father. It was violent, physically a few times, and most of all emotionally/psychologically. The only thing we could agree on was our taste for science-fiction (I wrote my master thesis on Frank Herbert's Dune), and our political views. I fucking hated the man for not knowing how to love me. He made me feel inadequate and unlovable. Fun fact: I have never had a single relationship in my life. He told me he loved me once, but not as much as he could have if I had been a normal girl. Other fun fact, I managed to orgasm during sex for the first time in my life, not two months after his death. Go figure.
For years we'd been living (him most of all, my mum and I) with the disease. After he lost his ability to eat (he was nourished through tubes) he slowly faded within himself, not able to socialize normally. He passed last April. I'm selling the house which has been the reason for our family troubles and putting all that shit behind me. I'm cutting ties with my father's family and I'm choosing the members of my new family, one by one. I finally have time to think about myself, to wonder about what I want in life.
So now that we've established all that, if you're still with me and remember everything I just explained, you know that this year, I was supposed to pass the test to become a professor. This was not what I want in life. I want the fucking Revolution.
So when Bataclan hit, and then the pathetic regional elections, and the political climate here, I fucking blew up. I decided to quit. I do not want to become part of their system, I do not want to transfer knowledge if its sole aim is to keep the system in place. The system is rotten to the core and we need to rethink every single aspect of it. So I left, and I decided I would write. I was trained for this. For gathering data, putting it all in perspective, and reflect upon it. I'm going to start a crowd-funded blog and see where it takes me.
I'm actively engaged into the fight against the labour law reform the government is trying to force down our throat. The mobilisation is growing, and tomorrow in the General Assembly of my university, we will be calling for a general strike (students+professors+other employees). I honestly think that this movement could very well go further than just fighting against one law. We could start something massive. I'm meeting a incredible number of amazing people. Seriously, this day has been fucking incredible.
AND NOW NINJA IS FUCKING BACK !
This is what I mean. This is what is blowing my mind since yesterday. You could not have come back into my life at a better time. NV boards were a treasure trove of argumentative logic. I trained my brain on here. And now that I have this life plan, you come back. You are here once again to offer me support, constructive criticism and polemical debates, and knowledge. Fucking knowledge. And Love. How could I forget the Love...
So thank you for that. I'd let myself fall asleep for a time, but now I'm awake. For good. And I'm not, ever, backing down. The world need the revolution. Our fucking species needs a makeover. The people at the top needs to go, and the only way to do that is to educate people around you so that they join the fight. The sheer amount of intelligence I had the pleasure to discover in the last few days on campus make me believe. The fact that Ninja is back out there gives me hope.
I fucking love you people.
PS: I'm exhausted and really stoned so you'll forgive any mistake you find, I hope
PS2: Again, sorry for the long post, but I've had these thought in my heads all day and had to get them out. I literally ate nothing today, and when I finally got home I actually forgot to eat even though i'm starving because i needed to get this out on NV.
PS3: I'll make other threads to expand a bit more on what is going on in France/the kind of writing I want to offer, etc. Fair warning, they will mostly be in C&D
ninja absolutely played a huge role in accelerating my personal growth in many areas. you paint a colorful personal testimony, and im so glad you shared. i can literally feel the heat from the fire ninja caused, it resonantes evolution through your story. this shouldnt be in random, its too important.. it should be somewhere where it wont get buried! i need to elevate this...
