Page 1 of 1

Coming back rant; Re: Fuck toxic masculinity

Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2017 6:45 pm
by cerrodepedro
Hey all,

The scary convincing incomprehensible Queen condescended to spend some time talking to me on FB, AND MOTIVATED ME DAMMIT. So first I'll rant about some shit that's been on my mind that some of you fuckers might have seen me post about on Facebook recently.

You ever want to fuuuck someone so badly? Your carnal imagination when you're an idiot puts you going down on them, or watching them writhe in orgasm? Well. I think most allosexual (as in, people naturally inclined to wanting sex, which in case you didn't know isn't a universal) folks have. But what happens when that person trusts you? When you have a good relationship? A working relationship or a relationship in some group of hobbyists, be they gamers or fantasy sportsball league people or RPG-ers or television/movie enthusiasts or gardeners or IDK, any of those given groups? And what happens when they're fucking people who aren't you?

It's common to feel resentment. But that shit is based on entitlement. And whether you recognize it or not, and I'm not going to give a fuck about whether or not Ninjas can accept the truth that men have a feeling of entitlement due to conditioning and bad decisions, WE FUCKING DO, OKAY?

A friend of mine who I could fall in love with, who I might be in love with, is going through HELL thanks to some dude who offered them a place to stay. This person is polyamorous, and VERY clear about that with their partners, including the dude who made them and their little kid (who's my kid's best friend) roommates. They don't seek to be a wife to anybody. And they shouldn't. That's not how their wiring is. That's not what their life experiences make it safe for them to do, at all.

They know I'm crazy about them. We both do, and laugh about it. But we've had more emotional reciprocity and freedom and happiness hanging out without doing it than I have in any relationship, including ones that have featured boning (something I learned from co parent was that you can reduce the shamey impact of sex talk by using grade school--preparatory school for you Latin@s and Europeans and Asians--school vocabulary to describe it). And I GET MYSELF IN THE HEADSPACE FOR GOOD OF EXPECTING THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE SEX WITH THEM. That's what a grownup does when they interact with a close friend who is REALLY vulnerable economically and socially and mentally, especially when that vulnerability has included severe trauma. And you tell them that they are in charge of initiating anything. Including them asking you to initiate!

So this dude who invited my dear friend to room with him seemed so cool. I even had a crush on him. My friend and I are both pansexual, so we share a love of humanity, including a lot of folks others consider ugly. And we're both orientated toward polyamory. It was a neat dynamic. I could go over there, we'd all get high, and I'd be the happiest third wheel on the fucking planet. Then about a month ago he goes on this half-drunken emotional abuse bender where he just erodes my friend's fucking soul. Threatens to kick them out. Says "okay nevermind, I'm so sorry and here's my profuse apology," then when he doesn't get instant reconciliation and comfort FOR ABUSING MY FRIEND, FROM MY FRIEND, he resumes the asshole routine. And finally, a few days after Christmas, informs them that they have two weeks to move, including their kid (who has ALSO been through horrific trauma in the past two years), after knowing about the traumas and the instability that they both have confronted.

I'm sorry, but in NE I need to be blunt. And I will be. Because I can't be consistent in here when I worry about y'all's feelings and whimsical approval. MEN LIKE THIS SHOULD DIE. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF THEY ARE POOR LITTLE MENTAL ILLNESS SUFFERERS. COPE. DON'T BE A PIECE OF SHIT TO THOSE AROUND YOU. NOBODY IS OBLIGATED TO COMFORT YOU.

And you know, if you wanna get your brain out of entitled idiot-land, you gotta accept that for some people you care about and love and ARE IN LOVE WITH, you may simply not be fuckable. Because if you really love them, you don't need their genitalia quivering in your proximity. We've gotta get our shits together when it comes to this because the Fascists (note the capitalization) have taken over. They're running the global empire. I mean they always WERE but now they can even more overtly and brazenly hate and murder the poor, engage in ethnic cleansing, lynchings (that's what I'm going to call the summary executions by the blue pigs who should be roasted and their heads mounted on public pikes), and destruction of the Biomes.

Occupy Wall Street had some cool shit. But it was riddled with men who raped/assaulted/harassed women, and the leaders of the various affinity groups tried to direct the women and non-dude victims to not talk to the blue pigs whose deserved fate I described in the previous paragraph. They tried to silence them "because it would make the movement look bad." And you know, that's why OWS was bullshit. We're all free or none of us are. So when you band together and construct your fallout shelter in the credible fear of Cheeto Mussolini nuking peeps, draw clear boundaries with the women and non-man gendered people in your life. Make them safe and BE SAFE. Sure, once, WITH THEIR CONSENT, voice that you are super into them if you are. But then make it clear you won't initiate shit unless given very clear communication from them. YOU, YOURSELF, INSIDE YOUR MIND, decide and ponder on what wonderful non-sex things are present in the relationship, and be satisfied. If you can't be satisfied, go masturbate privately.

More tone-deaf rants to come. I love you, Phara.

Re: Coming back rant; Re: Fuck toxic masculinity

Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2017 8:57 pm
by AliceElite
#socialism. We're all free or none of us are.

I love you, I love your anger, and I sincerely and honestly am so, so grateful for it, because it means for once I don't have to feel that anger, that hate, that pain. It sounds selfish, and it sounds cruel, but for those of us that see (read: women) this stuff going on and experience it daily it's really hard to carry your anger day in and day out - and you eventually get to a point where you realize that if you didn't carry that anger no one would. Someone needs to. The world can't go on spinning with no one angry about this.

Thank you for carrying anger for us. It is a thankless job, but it is so so appreciated by those of us who have been abused.

Re: Coming back rant; Re: Fuck toxic masculinity

Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:51 am
by NaranjaRa
i second the appreciation. my fella also carries this anger. he was once with a woman who'd endured unspeakable abuse. unfortunately it seems only men who have had some type of close relationship or family ties to a survivor get to the point of being enraged along with the rest of the female population.

and that is some serious bullshit.

i just recently watched a docu on Netflix called "The Mask You Live In" about how young boys are taught all this macho fuckery from an early age, how our hyer-masculine society perpetuates it, and how we can start to raise better, more Whole Men in this society. i recommend it highly.

Re: Coming back rant; Re: Fuck toxic masculinity

Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2017 4:15 pm
by cerrodepedro
I will watch this. And yeah. We shouldn't have to be close with a survivor to be able to share this rage. We should intuit what's going on. We should accept survivors' stories. We should stop jumping to creating a "both sides" point of view. Sure, people in relationships can abuse each other simultaneously, but why should that diminish what happened to either person? Why can't we see it for what it is? Why is the TRUE empathy switch so impossible to reach with some folks?