Caved to the pressure, I'm here

So, who are you? Tell us about yourself and get to know us. Welcome to Ninja Evolution :)
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Gwenno
Amigwenumi
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Postby Gwenno » Tue Apr 05, 2016 10:00 am

Hi all,
I was a leech, then a lurker and then a careful participant of the old forums. (Mainly on the; writers contests, games and the salon) I just searched for my old avatar, but I can't find it, my old pc had it, I don't have the old pc anymore, the interwebs doesn't know where it is either.
I caved to the pressure on fb, I registered, I'm sort of back. Not planning on being too active right now, since life sucks, so If I have anything to say, It's whining, depressing and sad.
Just scared some Jehova's that wanted to talk to me about loss (ranged just when I started typing this). If it were the usuals, I would have been more polite, I didn't know these guys. I started crying and they ran. Fuckers, if they were for real, they would of hugged or comforted me, at least, if they come to spread the word, show compassion.
See, I'm already depressing myself. Anyway, I'll make a better introduction some day, just not today.
Live today, 'cause if you don't, you might live to regret it.... Amanda Marshall
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/anna hijack! :kiss:
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Zombie
Wizard Behind The Curtain
Posts: 551
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 8:10 am

Postby Zombie » Tue Apr 05, 2016 10:23 am

Welcome back :) hope you feel better
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Rwn
Missing In Action...
Posts: 572
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 8:57 am
Location: Seattle

Postby Rwn » Tue Apr 05, 2016 12:28 pm

Welcome back, and sometimes ranting to random Internet peoples helps
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girlapaloo
MF'n LION-O RIDING A UNICORN
Posts: 912
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 2:53 pm

Postby girlapaloo » Tue Apr 05, 2016 1:55 pm

Welcome back! It's OK to feel sad sometimes. Glad you're here and we're here for you. :)
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cerrodepedro
Words. I kill them.
Posts: 856
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2016 10:21 pm
Location: Intermountain West

Postby cerrodepedro » Tue Apr 05, 2016 3:37 pm

Give us all the whines and depressiveness and sadness you need. Maybe someone will turn it into art work or music, because I think we're creepy like that.
Once was lost and now am lost; was blind but now I smoke
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Zansi'Vara
Dark Horse of many truths
Posts: 606
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2016 6:25 pm
Location: USA

Postby Zansi'Vara » Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:01 pm

Welcome in, Gwenno. There is plenty of compassion to go around, here. I hope your demons stop tormenting you soon. :3
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Phara
The Glue To This Bitch!
Posts: 2006
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 1:13 am

Postby Phara » Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:07 pm

Gwenno wrote:
Just scared some Jehova's that wanted to talk to me about loss (ranged just when I started typing this). If it were the usuals, I would have been more polite, I didn't know these guys. I started crying and they ran. Fuckers, if they were for real, they would of hugged or comforted me, at least, if they come to spread the word, show compassion.

That's so true, it's fucking devastating. And that's why we're here. Welcome back girl. So beautiful to see you.
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Pawly
Grandmaster Sensei of the Dark Corners
Posts: 9775
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Postby Pawly » Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:54 pm

Welcome back. You'll find comfort here I'm sure. :)
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PhlawlessPhelon
phrankly phenomenal
Posts: 960
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 3:20 am
Location: Krynn

Postby PhlawlessPhelon » Tue Apr 05, 2016 5:48 pm

hello~!

Jehovah's witness once confronted me at a bus stop. Scary thing is, they pulled up in a van...ignored the black kid waiting with me...and I was 13....Creepy way to be spreading the good word if you ask me.
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Corgimom
3 hours later...
Posts: 1031
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 1:23 am

Postby Corgimom » Tue Apr 05, 2016 5:48 pm

Be here now.
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ink
God's Fountain Pen
Posts: 2160
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2016 8:22 pm

Postby ink » Tue Apr 05, 2016 8:32 pm

whuut! thats crap! if they were really about the compassion, they would have kept in step.. messed up, well welcome back here, maybe you can find that solace here, amongst real beating hearts. enjoy Gwenno :)
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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Ganji
Infinite Yields
Posts: 102
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 5:49 am

Postby Ganji » Tue Apr 05, 2016 8:39 pm

Hello :)
Nepherteri
grasshopper
Posts: 193
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2016 2:54 am
Location: Dallas

Postby Nepherteri » Wed Apr 06, 2016 1:01 am

Hello Gwenno!!!
I never answer my door if someone hasn't called first for fear of Jehovas, PoPo, or BugaBoos...Don't feel bad...

Welcome to NE though!!
" Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you're riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake up and live."~Bob Marley

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AliceElite
//wrestles darkness...WINS!
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 1:54 am

Postby AliceElite » Wed Apr 06, 2016 11:40 pm

Welcome back, I love me some lit bbs! <3 <3 Can't wait to see your writing. :)
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Brewtality
novice ninja
Posts: 412
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2016 7:09 pm
Location: Tanzania, East Africa

Postby Brewtality » Thu Apr 07, 2016 7:23 am

Hi there! Looking forward to some of your contributions :)
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Gwenno
Amigwenumi
Posts: 427
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:10 am
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Postby Gwenno » Thu Apr 07, 2016 10:42 am

Thanks for the warm welcome you guys, today, I turned on the pc again, yay me! I do plan to participate again on the forum, I just don't know where to start. And I don't want to be sucked in too much. I'm glad I can get out of bed and do the dishes, bring my son to school and make dinner on a 'daily' base. Too much pc time tells me (and my partner who is my rock) I should also be able to vacuum and clean the house. I theory I can, in reality, I want to sin on the couch under a blanket and read or crochet (Oh yeah, I will post some pics)
The short version is that my dad, who turned 65 last december, who was a very healthy and active man died unexpectedly 2,5 weeks ago. He had a very rare form of a cerebral hemorrhagein in his cerebellum (1% of the male population, I am told) It had to be operated. He had to wait for surgery 2 weeks, since it was a rare surgery(8 hrs) and they needed one more surgeon that had performed it before. After that, it all went well, he did good, the docs were very careful, he spent more time on the intensive care then they usually let people stay there, he was 'out of the danger zone' and was to be sent home on friday the 18th of march. The last time I saw him up and awake was sunday the 13th, when we received the good news that he was supposed to go home. That night, he walked over to the nurses station himself to tell them he was feeling weird. He had another haemorrhage, he went into surgery(5 hrs), they kept him in a coma, Tuesday (my boyfriends bday) they tried to wake him up, but his blood pressure went too high, too fast, so they brought him into a coma again, Thursday the 17th (my sons 6th bday) they wanted to wake him up again. He didn't wake up, that news came to my boyfriend in the afternoon. It was right at the time I picked up my son, and my mom knew that) Around dinner, his phone rang again, and he didn't come back, his sister went to check on him, and she didn't come back either, so I went to check on him. My mom called that my dad had another haemorrhage and was in surgery(3hrs) again. That night around 10, we knew he was out of surgery, but no more then that. Around 2 at night my mom called in panic, she was told he was in a coma and that we could come to say goodbye. So friday, I ofcourse went to the hospital (2 hr drive) with my cousin, who lives close to where I live) There I heard he had been clinically dead, but he came back to life on his own. Docter (surgeon) said that he could recover a little. Wake up and spent his life in a nursing home. He was given the weekend. And we were offered a room to stay. My mom didn't have her medication with her (she also live 2,5 hrs away from the hospital) and hospital policy stated that they were not to give medications to non patients. I had my overnight bag with me, because I was to go home with my mom, but she asked me, and I chose to stay. Saturday, I spoke to the nurses, there was no change (she said) and then the docter (Interventionalist) rang me, to speak to me. My mom didn't come, she collapsed at home, and couldn't walk anymore. Then I had to wait for him ofcourse, and at that time his sisters (2) arrived, straight from the airport. 1 already came in the family's name after the first haemorrhage, the other 2 had been on the airport (Aruba) waiting for a flight since the thursday news. We were all in the room to speak with the docter. He told us, my dad was doing worse and the wanted to stop all treatment (he was breathing on his own, he did have a minimal support to breath) so he could die. I pleaded like crazy to wait, because my mom wasn't there and I knew that my uncles (2) were to fly that evening. He 'caved' and gave us 24 hrs exact, and then we would have the same conversation again. So next day, my mom came (obviously) with her best friend, my aunts, and my uncles, straight from the airport, 20 minutes before we were all told to be there. My boyfriend came and another cousin from my moms side of the fam also came. Then we waited 3 hrs, then the doc came another one then the previous day, thankfully. Well, we all had the chance to say goodbye, they stopped treatment and told us that my dad was still so strong that it could take 24 hrs. We all chose to go. There was an 'end of life" nurse that would stay by his side. It eventually took for all of us to leave. My boyfriend and I were the last to leave the hospital (with packing and checking out of my room) and 5 minutes later, he died.

Fuck, that is not a short version!
Live today, 'cause if you don't, you might live to regret it.... Amanda Marshall
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/anna hijack! :kiss:
Rwn
Missing In Action...
Posts: 572
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 8:57 am
Location: Seattle

Postby Rwn » Thu Apr 07, 2016 10:59 am

Holy fuck... I'm am so terribly sorry you and your family have been through such a terrible ordeal. I really wish I had some magic words to make you feel better.

I could say any of a long list of cliches, but I'm sure you've heard them a million and a half times.

But we are here if you decide you need anything. (damn I tried to make it out of here without a cliche)
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Gwenno
Amigwenumi
Posts: 427
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:10 am
Location: Wherever I am
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Postby Gwenno » Thu Apr 07, 2016 11:23 am

Nepherteri wrote:Hello Gwenno!!!
I never answer my door if someone hasn't called first for fear of Jehovas, PoPo, or BugaBoos...Don't feel bad...

Welcome to NE though!!


Usually, me neither, but it was my bday, so it could have been a random visitor or something. Or just the old man next door (he's sweet, he's Italian and brings homemade pasta. )
Live today, 'cause if you don't, you might live to regret it.... Amanda Marshall
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/anna hijack! :kiss:
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Gwenno
Amigwenumi
Posts: 427
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:10 am
Location: Wherever I am
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Postby Gwenno » Thu Apr 07, 2016 11:24 am

Rwn, some cliche's are okay, as long as you mean it :)
Live today, 'cause if you don't, you might live to regret it.... Amanda Marshall
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/anna hijack! :kiss:
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Zombie
Wizard Behind The Curtain
Posts: 551
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 8:10 am

Postby Zombie » Thu Apr 07, 2016 11:34 am

Gwenno wrote:Thanks for the warm welcome you guys, today, I turned on the pc again, yay me! I do plan to participate again on the forum, I just don't know where to start. And I don't want to be sucked in too much. I'm glad I can get out of bed and do the dishes, bring my son to school and make dinner on a 'daily' base. Too much pc time tells me (and my partner who is my rock) I should also be able to vacuum and clean the house. I theory I can, in reality, I want to sin on the couch under a blanket and read or crochet (Oh yeah, I will post some pics)
The short version is that my dad, who turned 65 last december, who was a very healthy and active man died unexpectedly 2,5 weeks ago. He had a very rare form of a cerebral hemorrhagein in his cerebellum (1% of the male population, I am told) It had to be operated. He had to wait for surgery 2 weeks, since it was a rare surgery(8 hrs) and they needed one more surgeon that had performed it before. After that, it all went well, he did good, the docs were very careful, he spent more time on the intensive care then they usually let people stay there, he was 'out of the danger zone' and was to be sent home on friday the 18th of march. The last time I saw him up and awake was sunday the 13th, when we received the good news that he was supposed to go home. That night, he walked over to the nurses station himself to tell them he was feeling weird. He had another haemorrhage, he went into surgery(5 hrs), they kept him in a coma, Tuesday (my boyfriends bday) they tried to wake him up, but his blood pressure went too high, too fast, so they brought him into a coma again, Thursday the 17th (my sons 6th bday) they wanted to wake him up again. He didn't wake up, that news came to my boyfriend in the afternoon. It was right at the time I picked up my son, and my mom knew that) Around dinner, his phone rang again, and he didn't come back, his sister went to check on him, and she didn't come back either, so I went to check on him. My mom called that my dad had another haemorrhage and was in surgery(3hrs) again. That night around 10, we knew he was out of surgery, but no more then that. Around 2 at night my mom called in panic, she was told he was in a coma and that we could come to say goodbye. So friday, I ofcourse went to the hospital (2 hr drive) with my cousin, who lives close to where I live) There I heard he had been clinically dead, but he came back to life on his own. Docter (surgeon) said that he could recover a little. Wake up and spent his life in a nursing home. He was given the weekend. And we were offered a room to stay. My mom didn't have her medication with her (she also live 2,5 hrs away from the hospital) and hospital policy stated that they were not to give medications to non patients. I had my overnight bag with me, because I was to go home with my mom, but she asked me, and I chose to stay. Saturday, I spoke to the nurses, there was no change (she said) and then the docter (Interventionalist) rang me, to speak to me. My mom didn't come, she collapsed at home, and couldn't walk anymore. Then I had to wait for him ofcourse, and at that time his sisters (2) arrived, straight from the airport. 1 already came in the family's name after the first haemorrhage, the other 2 had been on the airport (Aruba) waiting for a flight since the thursday news. We were all in the room to speak with the docter. He told us, my dad was doing worse and the wanted to stop all treatment (he was breathing on his own, he did have a minimal support to breath) so he could die. I pleaded like crazy to wait, because my mom wasn't there and I knew that my uncles (2) were to fly that evening. He 'caved' and gave us 24 hrs exact, and then we would have the same conversation again. So next day, my mom came (obviously) with her best friend, my aunts, and my uncles, straight from the airport, 20 minutes before we were all told to be there. My boyfriend came and another cousin from my moms side of the fam also came. Then we waited 3 hrs, then the doc came another one then the previous day, thankfully. Well, we all had the chance to say goodbye, they stopped treatment and told us that my dad was still so strong that it could take 24 hrs. We all chose to go. There was an 'end of life" nurse that would stay by his side. It eventually took for all of us to leave. My boyfriend and I were the last to leave the hospital (with packing and checking out of my room) and 5 minutes later, he died.

Fuck, that is not a short version!



Nothing anyone can say to truly make you feel better but what is amazing is that he had soo many people around him. He must have been a great guy.
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Pawly
Grandmaster Sensei of the Dark Corners
Posts: 9775
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 2:46 am
Location: A Comfy Chair
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Postby Pawly » Thu Apr 07, 2016 11:41 am

My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Losing family is the absolute worst. Take comfort in the fact that so many people cared about your father to come to the hospital (flying in even) and be there for him. Your pain will ease over time and if we can be a distraction to you then all the better.

You are loved. <3
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ink
God's Fountain Pen
Posts: 2160
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2016 8:22 pm

Postby ink » Thu Apr 07, 2016 3:15 pm

wow.. my condolences, thats a tough situation. i hope it helps that you can share this here, in some small way
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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Feydakin
Blissfully Oblivious
Posts: 1779
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2016 7:48 pm
Location: Right Here
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Postby Feydakin » Thu Apr 07, 2016 3:24 pm

Welcome home Gwen. Hopefully being here gives you some solace. :)
"Searchers after horror haunt strange, far places..." ~ H.P. Lovecraft, "From Beyond"Image
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Gwenno
Amigwenumi
Posts: 427
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:10 am
Location: Wherever I am
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Postby Gwenno » Thu Apr 07, 2016 3:40 pm

Well it does actually feel good to be here and post a wall of text. When I talk to people (Other then my partner) I tend to cry, they feel uncomfortable, pat me on the back, give me a cliché and look for the nearest exit. And I don't want to talk with my mom or other family members, because then we get a stereo cry session. I don't want other people I love break, when they just had time to breathe. Or something like that. If there ever was any place to share feelz, it's Ninja, I just felt insecure because it's been so long, and I didn't know if depressing and sad me would fit in with the happy-the forum is back Yippee-crowd. But you guys let me know, I worried for nothing.
Thank you!!! <3
Live today, 'cause if you don't, you might live to regret it.... Amanda Marshall
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ink
God's Fountain Pen
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Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2016 8:22 pm

Postby ink » Thu Apr 07, 2016 3:53 pm

its all good.. we welcome the feelz :D
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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