Weekly prompt attempt. Raven's Rendition.

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Postby ravenrussell » Tue May 03, 2016 7:10 am

Prompt by AluceElite:

"You are an alien. You visited earth when humans had a simple hunter/gatherer life, and decided to return once they had become 'civilized' but you overshot the mark by 100 years - describe your return visit."

Wasn't sure where to post this, forgive the double posting. I tried working on this weekly prompt. I spent a lot of time trying to perfect this poem, but didn't quite accomplish it. Here's what I have so far.

"Utopian Veins Cry For Disease"

This place
where pneumococcal pneumonia
is a pleasure drug.

This town
where tuberculosis is freebased
with a tutor.

This dome
where drugs are distant dreams
and diseases are the new doom.

This is home
after temporal mechanics
left me broken down and shifty.

All my haphazard gene splicing.
All the mutations that went wrong.
The wacky distraction
of puncturing the farmers.
Creating holes in their skin
to push medicine from within.

They said that government
created crack to stop movement,
but what I meant, whilst
sleeping south of abandonment,
was to create a serum
that bell rang the lot of them.
Open mouths dropping laudanum.
Desperate souls wapping amphetamine.

These emotions,
now edicted by Emotars.
Controlled substances gone.

Cancer, the newest cure,
to the cold reality
of cocaine's absence.

These satisfactions sickening.
Left-wing conjoined
with right-wing.

Emotions are in check.
Emotars rule with iron fists.
Lists of crime dwindling.

Utopian minded citizens,
denizens of normalcy.
Democracy given up on.

Emotars sheathed in dusk.
The dying and diseased
rise in waves of vomit.

The temples fall to the infirmed.
Determined carriers of viruses
awaken in cold sweaty throngs.

They gave up on drugs.
Shooting epidemics long gone
into their too healthy utopian veins.

By: Russell Jay Keenan
Peace to all.
Posts: 203
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2016 11:17 pm

Postby Syreeta » Tue May 03, 2016 9:52 am

absoluteiy love this, don't have time to say more atm,...but, so so evocative of the times

but quickly...off the cuff feedback...this is allmost painterly, and like a whole little novel in feel..it seems very much allmost where humanity is 'potentially' at and reminds me of some great older sci fi films, hmmm

its ..sensory, and quite beautifully crafted.

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