Phara's Salon

[ravenrussell]

A loud, "woah," escapes my humbled lips. I just noticed the 'Khaleesi's poet' moniker under my ninja name. Thank you so much.
"I am a Khaleesi of the Dothraki!...The next time you raise a hand to me will be the last time you have hands."

[AliceElite]

So I'm at work, on a work laptop, because mine died on me (literally the only thing I have that's MINE and not OURS and now I don't even have that), and I want to write this huuuuuuge post about everything that's been going on in my life, and all the bullshit, and all the emotions, and Orlando, and the Stanford Rapist, and feeling triggered, and worthless, and afraid, and in love, and about parenting and separating from my partner and about, just...everything, but I'm in the office, at work, and I just...I don't have the physical, mental, or emotional space to do it right now.

It's coming. It's building.

But until then I think I'll peek my head in here and there and read about everything that happened to this community I miss. I need help guys. I need to write and talk and lean in, lean on, and support others.

I love you, all.

[girlapaloo]

So I'm at work, on a work laptop, because mine died on me (literally the only thing I have that's MINE and not OURS and now I don't even have that), and I want to write this huuuuuuge post about everything that's been going on in my life, and all the bullshit, and all the emotions, and Orlando, and the Stanford Rapist, and feeling triggered, and worthless, and afraid, and in love, and about parenting and separating from my partner and about, just...everything, but I'm in the office, at work, and I just...I don't have the physical, mental, or emotional space to do it right now.

It's coming. It's building.

But until then I think I'll peek my head in here and there and read about everything that happened to this community I miss. I need help guys. I need to write and talk and lean in, lean on, and support others.

I love you, all.

Love to you, Alice!
When it rains, it pours, huh?
All kinds of stuff in my life has been breaking, literally and figuratively...
when shit seems hopeless and bleak
I'm so thankful for this little corner of the internet that has become my refuge.

You are very missed.
(((HUGS)))

[girlapaloo]

A loud, "woah," escapes my humbled lips. I just noticed the 'Khaleesi's poet' moniker under my ninja name. Thank you so much.
"I am a Khaleesi of the Dothraki!...The next time you raise a hand to me will be the last time you have hands."

Nice work, I like the new title

[AliceElite]

Love to you, Alice!
When it rains, it pours, huh?
All kinds of stuff in my life has been breaking, literally and figuratively...
when shit seems hopeless and bleak
I'm so thankful for this little corner of the internet that has become my refuge.

You are very missed.
(((HUGS)))

Ugh, girlllll.

My partner and I are in the process of kinda splitting up/rebuilding our relationship and literal and figurative breaking is SO REAL right now.

For a long time I started to think I didn't have a refuge - my home was, in a lot of ways, the most stressful place to be, for a lot of reasons, and I never felt like I could be myself. I could never 'let down' to use a breastfeeding term (which is actually REALLY APPROPRIATE, WOW). Outside influences mean that my guard is always up, and I'm always exhausted - this is a space I always try and be really deliberate about, and being deliberate and creating something takes energy. I just have not had the energy to even look at my own emotions and feel them or process them, so with all that bottling up inside there felt like there was no refuge.

I am finally taking the space I need, keeping the resources that I need for myself. Self care.

Learning not to apologize for my self care. Learning to feel again.

I've felt so dead inside and that has been the scariest part, as someone who has always been the emotionally honest and intense bipolar girl.

God, it feels good to finally say these things.

[Phara]

i am so tired.

today i might have been offered an opportunity to get into voice-overs.

Then he told me he wanted to fuck me.

//smiles wearily

it never fuckin ends.

[Phara]

i have my first session with my new therapist today. she's a woman. that makes me a bit wary. grr. i don't like that about me and i don't like that that's reality.

[AliceElite]

Try and go into it as open minded as you can, Hana. <3 I mean lets be honest chicks now what's up waaaaay more than guys do.

I need to call my doctor and get my meds switched back. :/

[AliceElite]

From Skype:

[11:55 am] Phara: its more about problem solving for me
like wtf ever about the past
how do we deal with this shit

<<< THIS. Like all my therapy always ended up like "ugh this thing is happening. How do?" And my therapist would be like, "Well, lets look at it this way. Lets reason this out. Lets process this current thing that is happening or needs to happen." and through that I learned the tools to be able to do that myself, in a way. So basically her role was to walk me through and train me in how to do that kind of external talk processing internally.

[BriarRose]

This is for all the fierce ladies of Ninja; we are owners, creators and nurturers of our minds, bodies and spirits...hold tight to that always.

https://youtu.be/TYGxLJK64Cg

[Gwenno]

Seen it, she's powerfull. Such passion .
Add it to the buttons thread please , yay, someone else that likes buttons poetry
http://ninjaevolution.net/forums/viewtopic.php?id=1116

[Phara]

oh i lost my mind on it yesterday, i forgot to post in here. was rewatching that particular one and then went on a run. I got to revisit that thread.

[AliceElite]

I just want to shout out, on this, my day of birth, to the fierce ladies of the world, past and present, those living and breathing, and those who have left us with only their legacy to guide us.

You all are strong and inspirational, and all of you give me reason to keep going for another year, even on days when I want to give up.

<3

[BriarRose]

Maybe going to post this in C&D but just wanted to add it here too (again in honour of our fierce ladies, past & present):
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-24653643

Originally found on FB (A Mighty Girl):
https://www.facebook.com/amightygirl/posts/1049838565052456:0

[BriarRose]

More stunning spoken word (cross-posted in C&D Brexit post: viewtopic.php?f=425&t=1219):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRkvmsn0e4c

[Gwenno]

I just want to shout out, on this, my day of birth, to the fierce ladies of the world, past and present, those living and breathing, and those who have left us with only their legacy to guide us.

You all are strong and inspirational, and all of you give me reason to keep going for another year, even on days when I want to give up.

<3

<3

[defango]

Hello Queen.

I bow to thee and offer all the respect and love to you.

It is meaningless compared to the struggle you have endured as captain of the ship.

Life moves forward and people learn to become more. More people than you know had homeland on their doorstep, the best where the ones who handed them all their laptops and HDD's and being 100% confident he would be clear because you can't trace a script that doesn't exist

The salon has always been women only. Ban offense committed.

[Candeeoke]

Le SIGH. This thread needs some cheer or something. I miss you Phara, I know that you'll be back soon though. I'll come back and post nice pictures...please GENTLEMEN I love that you are possibly wanting to put some cheer in here for me, but please do not. No men in here even with lovely gifts and words.

[Philly]

[URL=http://s1077.photobucket.com/user/margaretbartha/media/1_zpsb3zdfjbb.jpg.html][/U
This made me crack up. Definitely cheery

[Phara]

this is one of the few things i think i'm pretty ok at

[Philly]

I'm terrible at admitting my mistakes.

[Phara]

i want to just turn off the world and unleash in here. i cant. i have work at 3 am and i just got home and its 7 pm. and my commute is two hours and i have to leave at 1 am. and omfg, hate hate hate hate. adulting fucking sucks.

[girlapaloo]

i want to just turn off the world and unleash in here. i cant. i have work at 3 am and i just got home and its 7 pm. and my commute is two hours and i have to leave at 1 am. and omfg, hate hate hate hate. adulting fucking sucks.

Ugh, I feel your pain!
Make the world go away....

[Gwenno]

Yep I can agree on adulting being very, very suck worthy.

[Phara]

omg hopscotch! lolol, i love that pic gwenno. just started reading up in here through my coma heavy eyes. Candee ... i'm here and i'm back. Just trying to sort this schedule bestie. I'm no good at balance. It's never come easily to me.